Tell me that i would never grow up

Hard. Yes, its hard as a teen. we all had grown up as usual. Why? Why the hook like seriously i mentioned about this? Because, I am no one to be said as grateful person. I want everything to run as planned. Iwant everything to be good as wished. But, everything turns into a mess. It doesnt mess around the entire scene, it is just a complete mess in myself. because i am not grateful. I hate to say this but everytime the twilight evoke around the earth, I made myself caged in my own bedroom with lights off and fan on. I made myself blurred on the simple line that everyone used. I am completely trying to be as optimistic as positive people. Where the hool am I right now? what are the Gaza people are doing. why didnt I think how much they dwell in disaster?

Again, and actually it is a story of this year raya lah kan. Everyone would say raya tahun ni tak macam dulu semua dah besar ada yang tak balik . yes, definitely true. But who ever could change the nature and turn the time back into the past? NO ONE. that saddens me even more lol. I could have a chance to be as happy as I wish but it all started with my own fault who was sooooo emotional all the way back then.

I fought over psychological matters against my sister during all the buziness and hectic moments where people all come invading. And my aunts mom and so on the makciks try to say how fat I am which I dont care at all to be honest and say how guilty I am on this increasing weight of mine which breaks my heart into pieces that breaks into smaller pieces of smallest pieces. Doctors come to me and say dont let yourself got hit by a disaster - diabetes. Who ever wants that?          

one more disappointment. I never forced them but it was still my fault who kept on counting their presence to my house. I am sad. They did not come. Seriously, they dont come at all. I am. aggrieved. a lil bit. Maybe they dont remember the invitation at all or just another way to keep myself calm is to say that, my house is so distant.

I could not describe how much more disappointment in me. If I kept considering it as disappointments, I am so so so ungrateful and emotional.

They're my flaws. Grateness and Emotion are my flaws.

Just be grateful. I begged to myself.

p/s : a picture of my sister showing off her new hideous dress ever haha